got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize