my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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