He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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