So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
