My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
