he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I will be naked everywhere
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
