i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
