Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
