people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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