You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
