Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
