Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
