I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Drunk is not a location!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
