i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
