I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize