I hate all girls vehemently.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
