Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
