it hurts more in the daytime
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
