My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
