who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
