I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
