Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
