I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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