i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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