I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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