You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
