Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
