if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize