I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
