im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
