Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
