he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize