i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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