Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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