maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
