he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
