you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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