I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i came on her dog
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize