its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
