Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
