You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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