Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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