just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
