Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

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(330): View more from Ohio

You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Sex on roller skates

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Floating mattress

(301): View more from Maryland

Tie

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(410): View more from Maryland

The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.

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(344): View more from

So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof

(774): View more from Massachusetts

They're waiting for you to die

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything

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(319): View more from Iowa

we live vicariously through your huge boobs

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