thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize