Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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