Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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