So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
