This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He? As in you personified your dick?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
