It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
