marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
