3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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