Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
