That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We don't watch enough power rangers
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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