I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
