my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
