Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
