shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
