This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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