she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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