Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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