Your tits are I can't wait for
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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