I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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