I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize