Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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