I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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