i think i have two assholes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
