I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
