My friends, they love my intelligence
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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