her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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