I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
