I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
