i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
