i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
