and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
